Reconnecting with goddess the goddess within as I live, learn, and love. Life presents many tests and trials we can’t let them bring us down. We have to take it as a learning experience and build our inner strengths in times of adversity. Writing helps me to connect. My posts come from my heart. I do it to clear my mind. In the process if it helps someone else who may be facing similar issues I am even more grateful. I guess in a way it allows me to live up to my birth name, Monique – advisor.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

20 FREAKING pounds:-(

I finally bit the bullet and climbed my butt on the scale. Lawd have mercy! When I saw that I gained 20lbs of the 78 that I lost, my heart cracked, crumbled, and fell to the ground. I have struggled with weight since my teens. I had adopted so many bad habits over the years. It's so hard to lose weight. It's hard to stay motivated. For someone like myself, when things are in disarray forget about me being able to focus on the task at hand. I managed to remain somewhat confident in my full-figured beauty as a young woman yet at the same time there were things that I wanted to wear that I just couldn't.

Earlier this year I was unstoppable. I was walking almost everyday. My diet was on point. There's a saying that health is 1/3 diet, 1/3 lifestyle and 1/3 attitude. I was so there, lol. I began to feel sexy and of course I started getting more attention from the opposite sex. It felt so good to finally be accomplishing my weight loss goals. I was able to do so much more. I had suffered with health complications due to the weight for so long. It was putting a major strain on my family. Things my husband wanted to do I was unable to do because of back pain and depression. When I say I was miserable, please believe me, I was!

I started making changes back in 2005 after I was forced to resign from my job for health reasons. In actuality those bastards tried to fire me because they didn't want to give me a part-time schedule like my doc said was needed. Anyway that inspired me to get busy. I joined Weight Watchers and the local gym. I couldn't walk without pain so I rode the bike. That's how I lost my first 25lbs. Since then I've worked on it, not consistently but I have never gotten close to my highest weight. It seemed that with every 15lbs lost my body reset at that weight. I would never gain more than 5lbs from that point and that would inspire me to start working at it again.

I'm at a point where it is really hard to get motivated and since I have other personal issues going on. I really have to get back in the game. With the 20lb gain my back has started hurting again. Yesterday I fasted. Today I made sure not to over do it. Tomorrow I'll make another step toward getting back on track. At this point all I want is to get healthier. My life depends on it. My family needs me healthy.

Eat well, live well, and think right!

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