Reconnecting with goddess the goddess within as I live, learn, and love. Life presents many tests and trials we can’t let them bring us down. We have to take it as a learning experience and build our inner strengths in times of adversity. Writing helps me to connect. My posts come from my heart. I do it to clear my mind. In the process if it helps someone else who may be facing similar issues I am even more grateful. I guess in a way it allows me to live up to my birth name, Monique – advisor.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Free in Bondage

Free in bondage.
I was cleaning out my bookcase the other day when I stumbled upon a very depressing picture of myself. The picture is about 5-6 years old and it reflects the lowest point of my life. I was in my mid 20’s weighing almost 350lbs. I began having weight related health problems that were made worse by my deep depression. I was so disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I functioned in life… but barely. There was not a day that would pass where I actually felt desirable or attractive. I was hideous. The way I saw myself reflected in how I adorned myself. I shopped in the granny section of the store. I would never step foot in the more contemporary age appropriate clothing. I wore my hair in a bun. I hardly ever wore make up. I never really had a reason to.

I was morbidly obese living in pain and missing out on the life of my son. How selfish of me to allow myself to sink to such depths. I developed a condition called lymphedema which caused severe pain and swelling in my legs. I was practically immobile. I rode the motorized shopping cart in stores because I was in so much pain. I developed a degenerative disease in my back which also made it difficult for me to walk. I couldn’t even walk from my house to the mailbox and back without pain. I was miserable as my picture reflects.

I allowed the pseudo-love for a man blind me to the life I had planned for myself. The natural born free spirit in me died. With that death, came sickness and depression. I did not know how to function in a relationship and remain “free”. I took on a lot of pressures from my mate to be a part of his spiritual path. That path involved me not being able to be myself so I began to rebel yet conform at the same time. In the process I slowly put my dreams on the back burner as well as the parts of myself that made me unique. I committed suicide and lost sight of the light.

It took years to resurrect my inner goddess. The years it took to reacquaint myself with her I lost my mate. That is a whole different story but it helped me to get to where I am today. It allowed me to free the free spirit. I can honestly say that I am grateful and happy with the woman I am today. I began crafting a new lifestyle that included healthier eating habits and exercise. It was a painful yet rewarding challenge. I hope to be able to express my experience in such a way that it will inspire others. My life is not perfect but it’s perfectly crafted for me as nature prescribed. I am a work in progress and I will continue to work on the Goddess Masterpiece, Freespirit.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Men: 7 Female Types to Avoid

1. The Religious Fanatic
This relationship will never work not unless you are equally as fanatical as she is. If you have no interest in religion or just aren’t on her level… it ain’t gon’ work boo.

2. The Marriage/Baby-Obsessed
You will get yourself trapped up in something that you may not really want and we all know once kids are involved things get really complicated.

3. The Gold Digger
This needs no explanation.

4. The Angry Scorned Woman
You won’t get away with ish and just might wind up 6 feet deep messing around with an ASW. Notice I didn’t say Angry Black Woman. We all know there are women of all races who carry serious emotional driven temperamental baggage. If you don’t believe me watch a few episodes of Snapped.

5. The Pretty Girl With Problems
Looks aren’t everything and many chicks front like they are wife material but they come with serious issues.

6. The Stalker
Don’t wind up like Martin in A Thin Line Between Love and Hate. There are some crazy bishes out there! Another situation where you can wind up on the fast track to meet your maker…

7. The Party Girl
Who wants a chick that is in the club every weekend? These chicks put fun before everything. Don’t try to tell her about it either… especially if you met her in the club.

*Disclaimer: This is for the fellas out there looking to meet Mrs. Right. Any of the above will work fine if you’re looking for adventure, drama, and Ms. Right Now. Just be careful what you get with. None of the above is wife material.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Healer?

5 years ago I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Hypothyroidism is a disorder in which your thyroid doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormone. The thyroid regulates the metabolism so when it is under active it slows the metabolism down. We should all know what a slow metabolism causes, weight gain, infertility, and depression amongst other things. My main concern when I was diagnosed was that it could have been the reason it was so hard for me to lose weight. My doctor put me on Synthroid. I remember asking her if this was permanent. She said that I would have to take Synthroid for the rest of my life. I don’t like prescription drugs so hearing that broke my heart.
After years of taking it and having my doses increased I thought for sure that I would be stuck with that condition. After my brother passed, on the day of his funeral I turned to my favorite green plant. The one that I would normally use recreationally every now and then. I stopped taking all of the prescriptions my docs had me on. This time I smoked it for a whole year, everyday, all day while I was grieving the loss of my brother. Without it I couldn’t sleep. So anyway here we are 2 years after my brother passed. I went for a check up and my doc asked if I was still taking my meds and I told her I wasn’t. I asked if the condition could be cured. Of course she told me no. So she immediately wanted to do blood work. When my results came back, my thyroid function was perfectly normal. My second doctor didn’t believe the first so I was tested again, sure enough the results came back exactly the same. I no longer have hypothyroidism which they said couldn’t be cured:-/ I can’t say for sure if it was my lucky green plant that healed me. I have a strong feeling it was. It does have medicinal properties. I would love to see more factual research on the plant. What else can it heal?

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Magic 81

I weighed myself today and I was so excited to see I had reached another milestone. Last year my lowest weight was 270 pounds. I wanted so badly to make it below the 270 point but life threw me a few curve balls and instead I gained 20. Since then I have taken control, lost the 20 I gained plus more. I am now at 267. I have never shared the actual number of my weight because I was so ashamed but now that I am making progress with losing I am now proud to share my success.

At my heaviest I was 348. That was when I got my wake up call. I promised myself I would not allow the scale to reach 350. Today I stand 81 pounds lighter. Yes it took 5 years but I have learned a lot along the way. I vowed to make this year my year of big loss. I am so happy. I used to dread stepping on the scale but now I absolutely love it.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Chemistry: Not My Cup of Tea

I have embarked on a journey to finish something I started 12 years ago. I am working on my Bachelor of Science in Nursing (BSN). I am currently taking one of my first prerequisites Anatomy and Physiology I. I was loving class right up until we got to chapter 2, Chemistry. Chemistry is not my strong suit but I am not going to let a few atoms, matter, and subatomic particles scare me. My 11
year old son told me not to worry, it's just chemistry.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Pound for Pound

In 2005 after being forced to resign from my insurance job due to health complications that were stemming from and complicated by my weight. I was suffering with low back pain, hip pain, lymphedema in both legs, depression, and more. I decided it was time to do something about it. My life was passing me by and my family was missing out so much because there wasn't much I could do. I had tried to lose weight other times before trying various diets but I never succeeded. I joined Weight Watcher's and the local gym and I lost 25lbs. I was so excited.

Over the years I would lose and then stop and then start again. I wasn't always fully committed to losing weight though I never gained all of my weight back. As of today I have lost 78lbs. One pound counts towards my pledge to the Pound for Pound Challenge. I will be giving tips on how I'm making it happen. I love to share my story because once I met a doctor who told me surgery was my only option. Every pound I lose I am proving him wrong and loving it.

I pledged 50lbs.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

It's a New Year!

I am ready for a new Monique to surface once again. She has been making strides and working hard to be the Goddess she knows she's capable of being. Keep your eyes open, Freespirit is making a comeback and this time around she's taking no stuff.

Happy New Year!